www.healthy-kids.info

HE LOOKS FINE TO US.  WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED?c. 1991, updated 2009.

Any child with asthma and allergies is going to need some extra thought and planning in order to avoid misunderstanding or breathing problems at school.  In many cases, parents can rely on the experience, professionalism, creativity and dedication of educators to make school a safe and supportive place for children. But every day my mail brings me fresh evidence that reaching an agreement about a child's needs and how they will be met at school can be difficult.

In truth, parents don't have a choice about working with teachers, principals and school nurses. We know that without a knowledgeable and supportive school staff, children may face unnecessary risks to their health, learning and development.

Inappropriate expectations can create isolating, stigmatizing and potentially dangerous situations. One disadvantage   parents face is that many people still mistakenly believe asthma is "all in the head" and a sign of psychological problems. As a result, children with asthma may be considered undeserving of any "special" arrangements and be denied essential services such as access to medication, tutoring or other academic assistance, and suitable ways to handle their variable tolerance for exercise or extreme weather.

Teachers' comments, like those on the Parent Worksheet: Trust Builders or Trust Busters?, have the power to hurt, shame, confuse, disappoint, frighten, insult, frustrate and anger us. When bad feelings, misunderstandings and conflicts are not resolved, the estrangement between parents and school can create an intense conflict of loyalties for a child.

It can destroy a child's sense of belonging and security at school. When this creates significant learning, behavior and social problems many people are all too comfortable to label the child with "adjustment problems" and blame it on "asthma."

This is what parents want to avoid. Before going to school with a request, problem or complaint, anticipate potential roadblocks to good communication. Sometimes a teacher's hurtful statement signals a simple lack of knowledge. In that case, smooth the way by offering a carefully selected pamphlet from a national health organization or medical association that conveys current information.

Other comments may be based on deeply ingrained biases, stereotypes and misconceptions about asthma and are more resistant to information and negotiation. Or they may be excuses for inaction, an attempt to evade responsibility, or to divert a parent from tackling a serious problem. Here are some suggestions that might help.

Don't go it alone.

Under the best of circumstances parent-teacher meetings can be tense even when there are no special requests or problems. Tap the experiences of other parents and teachers. Their validation for your goals and concerns can give you confidence and help allay your anxiety. Seek advice from local parent support groups or advocacy organizations.

Look for your regional or local "Parent Training and Information Center."  You can get technical assistance and learn to build good communication and negotiating skills, establish good parent-school partnerships, and assert your child's needs.

Know your rights.

Every child is entitled to a free and appropriate education and a safe school environment. Once you notify your school that your child has asthma or allergies, the principal's next step is to work with you to document your child's needs and develop a plan that promotes both your child's health and education.  (US DOEd, Office for Civil Rights, www.ed.gov/offices/OCR.)

In one ruling under Section 504, the Office for Civil Rights found that the distressing incidents cited in a parent's complaint resulted from miscommunication between school staff and parent.

Those incidents supported OCR's finding that the school had failed to provide an adequate assessment and failed to provide an adequate plan for a child with asthma. "If the school had lived up to its obligation," OCR concluded, "the problems cited by the parent would not have manifest themselves."

Know yourself.

Before meeting with your child's teacher, school nurse, or school principal, role play the meeting with a friend or colleague. This is an opportunity to anticipate common statements, test your own reactions, try out different replies, and get feedback. It allows you to rehearse your most effective responses. Use the Parent Worksheet: Trust Builders or Trust Busters?  With a friend, brainstorm a variety of responses. Decide which responses give you the best chance to build understanding or make an ally out of the principal or teacher on whom your child's well-being depends.